Catherine Khoo Writing Foundation

For Women. By Women. With Women. A book under Wicked Witty Women, Experiences & Experiments Books latest imprint, When All is Dark, Reach for the Stars, tells the story of six women, cancer survivors and caregivers. It continues the journey of the Catherine Khoo Writing Foundation to empower the vulnerable members of our society to find their voice. A percentage of the sales proceeds were donated to the National Cancer Centre Singapore

Why I Did This Book?

Have you ever considered for one moment that you have a lot to be grateful for in your life?

I did not. Until one day in March 2002. When everything I worked for and lived for came crumbling down on me. First, I lost my job. Then, two weeks after that, my brother committed suicide. I was devastated. I lost my confidence. I cried every night as my brother was my
closest confidant. He was only 38 when he put his head under the oven.

Three months later, my mum-in-law, 70, contracted breast cancer. She had been the matriarch in our household of nine: my husband, Gabriel, my three daughters, Gabriel’s two sisters and my father-in-law. We lived as one big happy family, until the day the cancer struck.

My mum-in-law’s battle with cancer took its toll on everyone, especially me. My mum had sunk into depression after her only son’s death. I became caregiver to my mum-in-law, and avoided my mum who I blamed for my brother’s suicide. She, in desperation, tried to take her own life.

I still remember these dark moments in 2002. I still remember how the nurse taught me to clean the hole in my mum-in-law, where the breast should be. I still remember her wails of despair at her pain. I still remember how she, so upbeat and cheery, craved isolation. I still remember the frightened, lost looks on my daughters’ faces. And I cannot forget the day I stared into the mirror and could not recognize the face staring back. I, too, had sunk into my own hell, without me knowing it.

It is scary, this word ‘depression.’ It takes you away from reality. Into a world you hardly know. You feel alone. You feel rejected. You want to enter another world. Where you don’t want to feel. Or think. Or do anything. You just want to close your eyes to erase the pain. There is
no more purpose for you to live on.

Yes, I stared down from the sixth floor where I lived…. wondering if I should end it all. As suddenly as I had contemplated it, an invisible force drew me back. At that moment, the faces of my three girls flashed across….. that’s my purpose. My daughters need me!

If you’ve read my first book, Love! Live Dangerously! And Have Fun! you would know the ending. Suffice to say, I’m glad I did not take the plunge that day in 2002. For I learnt so many lessons along that journey.

I learnt why I had to make that journey into despair and suffering. Without it, I would not find my purpose. Which led me to a greater purpose!

I learnt why God gave me the gifts of empathy and love. Without them, I would not be able to listen and feel compassion for the people who share their hopes and dreams with me.

I learnt why God fulfilled my childhood dream to be in a career in books. To fulfil that greater purpose….. to share stories of hope and love so those who read them will learn that life is how you choose to live it!